Clean. Only nit: kicker says 1MIN QUIZZ BASED ON YOUR AGE — QUIZZ has an extra Z (typo override in funnels/index.js).
"They use Opal to keep distracting apps from taking over their day." → wordy explainer for the 1M figure.
"…so the impulse becomes futile." → LLM-poetic. A human would write "before the urge has time to land."
Mostly clean. The "— more than sleeping" em-dash is OK in context.
Clean.
Subtitle was a meta-explainer plus a purple second clause. Now a single instruction.
Subtitle
We'll use this in the projection. Pick the loss that would hurt most if it kept compounding.
Pick the one that hurts most.
Eyebrow shifted from "Plan priority" to "What you lose"; CTA from "Protect this" to "Lock this in". Each of the six sacrifice variants got rewritten title / body / reinforcement, dropping the poetic-aphorism template.
sleep · title
Your sleep is worth protecting.
Sleep comes first.
work · title
Your deep work needs a protected perimeter.
Protect your work.
family · title
Presence with family is the point.
Be there for your family.
peace · title
Your mental peace is not expendable.
Quiet your mind.
health · title
Your energy should not be drained by a feed.
Move your body.
creativity · title
Your creative projects deserve first access to your attention.
Make room for ideas.
default · title
Your attention is worth protecting.
Guard your time.
"Cross-referencing age & habits…" · "Mapping your screen trajectory…" read mechanical. "Trajectory" is an LLM filler word.
"Based on 28543 similar profiles" — number missing thousands separator (28,543).
"Yep, you read this right." → faux-friendly reassurance. Cut.
Footnote "Projection of your current Screen Time habits, based on an average 16 waking hours each day." → over-explaining. Shrink to "Based on 16 waking hours/day."
"The good news is that…" → quintessential ChatGPT opener.
"…and help you achieve your dreams." → empty sentimentality. Strongest single tell on this screen.
"According to your profile combined with Opal program." → grammatically off. Fix to "Based on your profile + the Opal program" or just delete.
Wiki-pacing body and abstract stat replaced. Eyebrow + CTA also tightened.
Eyebrow
The mechanics
The reality
Title
Willpower doesn't scale.
Willpower fails.
Body
Feeds are designed by behavioral engineers to maximize time on screen. You need a structural defense to counteract them.
Engineers build feeds to trap your attention. You need hard limits to stop them.
Stat
Opal's 5-second Waiting Room turns reflexive opens into deliberate decisions.
A forced 5-second wait turns a reflex into a choice.
CTA
I'm with you
Stop the reflex
Clean. Stat + source attribution is the right shape.
Subtitle "That simple pause makes the reach visible before the app opens." → meta-explanation of the mechanic the question already implies. Drop the subtitle.
Slightly cheerleader-y opener but acceptable.
Title trimmed (drop "personal"). Subtitle and caption rewritten — no more "we crafted a self-defense plan."
Eyebrow
Your plan is ready
Plan complete
Title
Your personal focus plan is ready
Your focus plan is ready
Subtitle
Based on your answers, we crafted a self-defense plan to reclaim your focus.
Review the limits below and apply them to your phone.
Caption
Projection based on your screen-time input of 8h / day — 25 years on screens becomes 8+ years back.
At 8h/day, age 24: screens eat 25 years. Save 8+ years.
"We hate spam as much as you do. Your data is encrypted and never sold." → corporate cliché lead. Plainer: "No spam. Promise."
Three reassurance rows over-stack. "Encrypted in transit and at rest" is IT-speak no consumer reads. Collapse to one line under the input.
"Even from yourself." (under "No Bypass focus sessions") → empty pun.
"Turns unconscious app-opening into a deliberate decision." → abstract paraphrase; concretize: "Tap an app, wait 5 seconds. Most reaches don't survive it."
"Distracting apps progressively lock so your phone stops stealing sleep." → over-poetic.
"Join the people reclaiming their attention every day." → stock-LLM filler. Cut.
Footer over-discloses Stripe/RevenueCat. Move that to ToS.
Step 1 label "Install latest app" → reads ESL. Use "Install the Opal app".
Fallback paragraph: "Your purchase completed, but the redemption link is not visible here. Use the redemption email from checkout to activate in Opal." → multi-clause apology. Plain: "We emailed your activation link. Open it from your iPhone."
